Use the right question in your life

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question1How often do you hear someone asking you a question and immediately you feel uncomfortably? Especially if it has to do with your actions and your life, a question can really hit you like a hammer on the head.
For many people this is a sign that the question is right, touched the right spot etc.

Not for me though!

If you did something and you're not sure if it was right or wrong and someone asks you "why did you do this?" how do you feel? Do you get a kick? Do you feel accused, even though this was not the intention?
Actually when someone asks me "why did you do this?" I always feel there is an accusation there.
One of the most wonderful and powerful books I have read is "Breaking the Rules" by Kurt Wright. In this book he is describing the right question, why it is powerful and useful and will always help you move on.

What is the use of the right question?

The right question will help you move forward, create, feel good, motivate you and give you solutions in the most difficult moments.
The right question will give you the tools for creating effortlessly, whatever you were doing with a lot of struggle will become easy and simple.
The right question will de-activate the analytical and repairing way of thinking and activate the intuitive and creative part. Will take you away from being busy with trying to correct mistakes, something you can keep you busy for all your life, and take you exactly where you can create the solution you want, the attitude you need and the life you always wanted, if you did, by just shifting your point of view.

What makes the right question right?

The usual mind process is based on a tradition of thousands of years, judging things as right or wrong, bad or good, positive or negative. So if you are thinking, let's say, "I'm not good enough" putting yourself to a negative part of the scale. Maybe you are better than yesterday, but this is not enough, you are still "not good enough". But if you ask the right question, your position on the scale is high, with positive value, because there is not really negative value there.

What does the old way of thinking create?

Actually the most powerful problem, resistance to change.
The old way, the comparison, having a model and putting yourself on the right or left of it, can only create suffering and resistance. Looking how the modeling works, many women try to be beautiful like the top models, and this way they don't see their own value or beauty. Especially now that the photoshop sends the top models more to the top the competition has become impossible. Unhappiness, frustration, low self esteem and self confidence make people sick and frozen.

So what is this right question?

As we see the wrong question is based on "why?". It is judging everything and makes everything bad and small since there is always something bigger and better. But if you replace this why with "how?" or "what?" then you have a brand new way of asking.
For example, if you turn the question "why is it wrong?" with the "how can I make it right?" immediately you ask for instruction and information. You didn't make it wrong or bad, you just want to make it better.
Also if you replace the "why is this wrong?" with "what is right with it?" then immediately you have motivation to find out what is scalenot right yet and make it right.
In reality the "why" question creates a scale with negative value, and negative values don't really exist in nature. To understand what I say, when we talk about negative temperature, we say that it is -10, we talk on the Celsius or Fahrenheit scale and both are relative to a certain temperature points and completely made up. But if you think of absolute temperature, the Kelvin scale starts from zero and goes up. Zero is where there is no atom movement and then it adds.
So the negative comparisons are wrong and create only problems.

How can I use the right question in my life?

I will give you an example. If you program your navigator, GPS or however you call it, you need two things, where you are, something that the machine knows already, and where you want to go, an info you have to give. Nothing else. The way you usually function in everyday life is that you give useless information, like where you don't want to go, what is better and what worse place to go and if you deserve to go there. You (we) are programmed to put a lot of wrong information wherever it's not necessary. And this makes things complicated and painful.
If you use the right question, "How do I do this?" the mind, the right side of the brain, starts immediately offering solutions. Not how to repair the thing you did but how to do what you want.
Try this type of question again and again. "How do I do this?", "how do I go there?", "what do I need to make something?", "what do I have to do in order to be successful?". First of all they are just asking for information and not for comparison or guilt. Secondly they make you feel good, because even if you don't have an answer you are not in a negative value, you stay on zero, so you ask another question. No pain, no guilt, just success, from zero and up.

Where can I use the right question?

Everywhere, at any time. You can replace all the old questions with the new type and see your life changing automatically.
Of course you still have to take action, but this will be much easier if you don't push yourself down to the ground. If you always think "I'm okay and now let's go higher" you will have the energy which will not be spent to useless debates about your value. Navigator: 1) you are here (no value) - you want to go there (positive value since this is your goal). No gasoline? you stay on zero and try to find some ;-)

job2Most of the business today functions on the old way of thinking and asking. If you look around you, most business people and employees hate their jobs no matter how much money they give them. They don't know why but the whole business system is based on comparisons, negative and positive values and always repairing what's wrong instead of creating something right. A lot of unnecessary emotions that are not very pleasant.
Use the guides of the right question and if you need extra help contact me to help you changing your way, from where you are (zero or higher) to where you want to be (always higher).
love
Antonis Remoundos, life coach

What kind of energy are you synchronized with?

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antenna1Don't worry, I'm not going to talk about the secret or any other positive affirmation methods. There is some every day action and way of thinking of us though, that these people took as seeds for this secret and this action and way of thinking is our attitude towards life. Of course you cannot correct it with wishful thinking and magic spells.

Let's see what am I talking about.
Every day we see hear and feel around us a lot of images, words, emotions and ideas and, of course, like every receiver, we tune to the ones that interest us more. Like, for example, a radio receiver has access to many radio stations in different frequencies, but focuses and hears only one every time, the one the user decided to hear.
Same with us, every day we have many sources of information around us, external or internal (internal I mean we feel them directly from the sender and not through his words or expressions) and we pay attention to a few of them. Some we ignore partly, we know they are there but don't really show interest, others like they don't exist.

For example, I check every day many pages about highly sensitive and see what are people posting there. I see people writing about hope, insights, great ideas and powers in every day life but also about something special that happened, let's say, today while others are sharing a great deal of pain and fear about their sensitivity and their "condition". But more interesting are the replies. Most of the replies are in alignment with the post, sharing the same or similar, often competing sharing bigger problems and fears.

Don't re-program yourself

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robot1Many self improvement agents are offering new programs for your mind. New and improved, with many promises for better results, wonderful life, happiness etc.
But are you sure that this is what you need?

First of all if you have old programs running in your head it means that you don't think your original thoughts.
And where did these programs come from? From involuntary affirmations they made you believe. "You are small, you are stupid, you are useless, you don't have the right or the ability", all these things that you were hearing as child made you believe that you are a little creature in a huge universe and you don't have as many rights as you thought when you started thinking.
Do you want more automatic programs coming from new affirmations?

Do you have a hard time being around many people?

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crowd2It's absolutely normal for sensitive people to feel emotions from people around them. There are ways though that you avoid suffering.

Normally a sensitive person doesn't suffer with empathy, it's an absolutely normal thing and it can be used also as a tool. But if as a child they were trying to force you to feel certain things or avoiding others, you know, "stop being too sensitive", then you start judging the feelings, either they are yours or not.

Even in these case you can find ways to stop suffering.

1. Don't take over these emotions. They are not yours. Always try to remind it to yourself. You are not guilty if someone feels bad, just see it as an information.

Love without response and what to do with it

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friendsIf you love them back or they love you back there is no problem, things are simple, may become more complicated later but this is not the subject of this article.
The "problem" many people face is when someone falls in love with them or they fall in love without response.

To my opinion and my experience there is absolutely no problem with this. Falling in love is the most natural thing in the world and happens all the time all over the world.

The way I see it, if someone falls in love with you this can raise your self-esteem, make you feel good just thinking that there is at least someone in the world who would love to be near you.

What to do if you suddenly feel like a victim

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sad1I guess you all know the feeling, especially the highly sensitive and this for two reasons, because we feel more and because they know that we feel more.

So let's say that something happens in a moment that you don't feel flexible and one of your plans goes down the drain, let's say facebook rejects some project of yours. And you feel completely helpless, in the mercy of some authority or someone who is in better conditions than you, or so you think.
(The "so you think" is because when someone else feels like a victim they would love to make you feel the same, so they are not in better condition).

There are a few things you can learn to do in these cases, to make things lighter and to be able to get out of this situation fast.

1. Enjoy the feeling. Let's face it, when you feel like a victim all the responsibilities are gone. You are in the hands of fate, or the monstrous victimizer, and you don't have to do anything, just relax in your situation and, of course, your terribly delightful feelings. Of course you remind to yourself that this is not a real situation, but first you have to know it yourself.

Why Sensitive People feel better in stability?

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quiet1Highly sensitive people can easily change their lives, start a new profession or evolve fast using every given opportunity. Of course this happens when they are healthy and didn't develop neuroses from the constant abuse they had as sensitive children.
Of course they can always get rid of them, but this is another story.

But the paradox is that they often complain when things are changing too fast around them so they cannot concentrate.

Of course this does not mean that they cannot function in instability, no matter how much HSPs complain, can always function, can be very efficient, they won't feel good inside them though.

How positive is positive thinking?

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positive1It is a fashion of the last 20 years that became a great life guide especially after the movie and the book "the secret" came out. It is a new age movement with the idea that if you are thinking a positive way you will have positive results.
It is actually twisting the "law of attraction" with an extremely simplistic way (the real law doesn't say anything like this).

What is the philosophy? You just tell yourself that everything is fine and everything will be fine.
Did you ever see this happening? Stuff happens all the time even if the thoughts are extremely positive. I mean people get hurt and die, nobody ever became immortal by thinking positive.

Recognizing someone special coming into your life

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someonespecial1Sometimes when you meet someone, from the first moment you know that this person is going to play a powerful role in your life.

Unlike other cases where your ego tells you to rush, to try hard to contact or get closer to this person, in this case you feel very relaxed. You are not in a hurry, you are not trying hard or playing games to get closer. You feel confident and you know that getting closer is inevitable.

Now this person may become your lover or your spouse, some special friend or will offer you a valuable challenge, an advice or just an inspiration for you life, sometimes without being aware of it.

In what frequencies do sensitive people live?

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waves1In order to understand this we have to explain what the brainwave frequencies are . We are talking about the functioning frequency of the brain which varies according to the conditions and/or the type of person.

These are Beta, Alpha, Theta and Delta.

Delta 0,5-4 Hz is the state of the deep dreamless sleep, there is no consciousness there, at least not when this is the main wave pattern.
Theta 4-7 Hz, is the REM sleeping condition where dreams appear, or in case of being awake, the very deep relaxing state.
Alpha 7-14 Hz, is the relaxing mode, usually comes immediately when the eyes are closing.
Beta 14->21 Hz is the everyday awake functioning mode, where the brain analyzes, works hard and tries to survive.
In the 2 middle ones the person is more connected with subconscious mind and intuition.

Why be yourself?

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maskedThis is a funny question asked by a coach.
Coaching is the best way, today, to bring your real self on the surface, by removing all the additional personalities you had to adopt all these years.
Especially for a highly sensitive person, the non acceptance of your uniqueness made you play roles and keeping some of them as your real personalities. In this case you need more than anyone else to discover your real self and bring him up.

But often this is not enough.

There is a possibility that your real self hasn't seen the light of the sun for many years, most probably since your childhood. So if you bring him up most probably will be shocked because there are not many genuine selves available in this world.
So playing roles and adopt other personalities had some meaning. It was a very good disguise in a costume party!

Sensitivity and Evolution

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treeolife3I have to say that sensitivity had no place in the primitive world. Why that?
Nature needs strength. Physical strength. All the species in order to remain strong in a very competitive environment were always trying to reproduce the genes of the strongest and the most durable and tough.
This way, the world was full of brutal force, even within the species and in many cases this is the way it remains.

When the big males with the unbreakable horns and the strong muscles are fighting for reproduction, there is not space for sensitivity and creativity.

Don't take me wrong, sensitivity doesn't mean weakness, there is strength there and often seems to be brutal. But a sensitive person has another way of thinking and often this strength is not used for brutality.

Instructions to potential visionary leaders

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leaderespecially the ones who don't know or they forgot that they are.

Visionary leader is someone who doesn't rely only in analytical knowledge, experience and information to lead. The greatest tools of a visionary leader is intuition, inspiration and love.
A visionary leader doesn't need to push things, doesn't need to command, he/she just leads or shows the way.

Highly Sensitive people make perfect visionary leaders, in fact I'm sure that every real visionary leader in the past, in small or great scale, was HSP.

Anger is just one station, not your destination (some thoughts about anger management)

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angerMany clients are asking me how to deal with their anger. And, as usual, the whole discussion is around the symptom, ignoring the real reason.
And by real reason I don't mean the event or the situation that made someone angry. The real reason has to do with self-confidence, self-esteem and self-evaluation.

Let's start from the beginning, anger is just an emotion. It's not important by itself. Thousands of emotions are passing through us every moment, most of them are just getting evaporated before we are even aware of them.
The non-logical animals also have emotions, fear, joy, anger, desire, but they don't hold on to them. We, with our "logic", are trying to hold on tightly to our emotions. We are also trying to control them. And suddenly, without any warning, we are angry and whatever we try we cannot relax.

There is no greater wisdom than being what you really are

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wisdom2In our society we learn that wisdom, or rather smartness is to manage to be someone who you are not. In the family, the school, among friends, in the profession or job, everyone tries to prove that they are someone else. Some role model who's achievements are trying to reach.
But there is a great difference between doing what someone else does and being someone else!

Sensitivity, a highly misunderstood term

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marketThe first time I heard "Highly Sensitive" I also took it wrong, my impression was that they were talking about problematic people who take everything very heavily and are too emotionally. When they told me that I am also one, I was ready to explode, (well, maybe they are not completely wrong).
Slowly I understood the concept and the reasons HSPs are often too emotional.

Okay let's take things from the beginning.
Highly sensitive is someone who can feel, understand or sense much more than most people do. And HSPs are not rare, about 15-20% of the people and many animals share the same attributes.

What if you can't explain it?

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Dear sensitive,

phone1I'm sure you have noticed that often your thoughts and your ideas sound strange to the people around you. Your parents, your partner, your friends or your boss/employees have no idea what are you talking about, your great inspiration sounds like gibberish and your enthusiasm goes down the drain. Again and again.

But the fact that others don't understand your ideas doesn't mean that your ideas are rubbish, it means only what it looks like, people just don't understand your ideas.

The big question is where these ideas and inspirations are coming from?
Well it's the collective knowledge and wisdom, facts, ideas and insights from everyone, everywhere and every-when. And the reason that they come as random ideas and as flashes in your mind is because that's they way they suppose to come. If they come as words or voices they will be confused with the logical thoughts, or you will have to see a doctor.

Sensitivity in History

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caveLong long time ago, many thousands of years before our time, the humans were struggling for survival. Hunting, collecting fruits or even cultivating, in a hostile environment. The language, or rather the pre-language was trying to escape from the usual 5 different sounds for 5 different expressions, like danger, joy, food, sex and headache.
Having still a difficult life, even though the language was enriched with more words about sex and headache, among other things, the primitive human beings were slowly getting ahead of the animals.
Some of them though, were getting ahead of the rest of the humans too. Some of our primitive ancestors started creating tools from stones and pieces of wood, others were painting on the walls of the caves, some were "composing" music, (you know, rhythmic noises) or exploring and interpreting the sky and the position of the stars.
Do you think they had an easy life? I believe everyone else was looking at them the way we look at some crazy person today. "We are trying to survive here, trying to get food, escaping from wild animals, raising our kids and you are making.... art and science?"

Set to autopilot

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thoughts1In many cases you hear people talk about routine and how boring or bad it is or how it's killing the enthusiasm.
Sensitive people feel really trapped if they have to be in a routine, especially doing or living things that they don't like or they are not interested to.

Most of the times though, Sensitive people create their own routines. It seems strange that people born explorers, adventurers, artists and inventors, people with strange and unique ideas have to create routines and sometimes be furious if someone breaks them.

How to be alone

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howtobealone2A video by filmmaker, Andrea Dorfman, and poet/singer/songwriter, Tanya Davis. Davis wrote the beautiful poem and performed in the video which Dorfman directed, shot, animated by hand and edited.

The most amazing parts of this poem, according to my opinion:
1) "Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. But lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it."
2) "It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting lives magic things in reach."

 

Sensitive vs hypersensitive

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emotional1Many people are confusing the terms “sensitivity” and “emotional hypersensitivity”. They think that being under the permanent influence of emotions means they are sensitive.

In reality the term “Highly Sensitive Person” or HSP means a person with highly tuned nervous system, all the senses work more intensively and with higher precision. And this is not all, sensitive persons have a greater feeling of the emotions around them, empathy and holistic sense of the world.

Sensitive persons have an intensive desire for peace and tranquility, but the way our world functions can lead them to the opposite, hatred and destruction.

Honor your flame

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fireguy2This is something only highly sensitive people will understand and not all of them.
Inner fire is the main ingredient of an HSP, the passion for life; the meaning of life itself is this fire.
The reason that not all of the sensitive people will understand this is because many HSPs learned to protect themselves and play roles in order to survive. This is not conscious; it’s happening automatically and depends on the childhood experiences. Yes these again!

It's not your fault

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This is a scene from Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams as therapist helps Will to wake up from his defences and his excuses for avoiding life.

I can imagine for you, sensitive person this can also be an awakening.
In many cases the abuse that you experienced as child can lead you to close yourself to a bubble and try to be safe. The result is avoiding living.
And abuse is not only beating and torturing, although it looks like it's the most terrible; verbal abuse, being ignored, even being forced to play small so they can feel comfortable are also very serious cases.

The lost years

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wildSometime, either we are sensitives or not, we discover that we had different dreams about our life, completely different from the life we live now, abilities we never used, wisdom we had to suppress, values we forced to reject, a wonderful life we never lived up to now.

We see the lost years in front of our eyes.
After the first shock and the realization what life is about, there is a period of changes. We try to live our real life, fight with the negative elements (beliefs, patterns, programs etc.) and we stay very busy and very excited with all these wonderful things we discover. It’s not easy; the process is long and painful sometimes. Some of us ask for help (I both ask and offer).

The Intelligence of the Lizard

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lizard3I want to talk about the people who know everything, who have all the answers ready from their childhood who judge and condemn without a second thought.
For the highly sensitive people they can become a serious problem, especially in small age when the sensitives are still exploring the world, everything is open and possible and they create the opportunity to see life from many different points of view.

Fear of Success; is that a joke?

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  fear1I’m afraid it’s not. This is what most people are suffering from. I know, it sound absurd but it’s the most common reality in this world.
How does it appear?
You can see it on many people, or even on yourself:

  • - As self-sabotage, when things seem to go right you will just do the “right” movements for ruining everything,
  • - Burning the bridges that can connect you to the people who can help and build stronger connections to the ones that will keep you down on the ground,
  • - Procrastinating and avoiding everything that can give you results, no matter how pleasant or easy these actions can be,
  • - Keeping yourself busy with unimportant activities,
  • - Judging and rejecting ideas and thoughts that can have a positive influence in your life, usually with the excuse that they are not cool enough,
  • - Starting always from the beginning, like inventing the wheel every single time,
  • - Trying the same things again and again, even if you saw for thousands of times that they fail.

Now where is this fear coming from?

Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 7: Taking your partner for Granted

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ignoringA relationship is supposed to be alive. It’s not a solid foundation that you built and it will stay there forever, you need to participate and nourish it.
Many people think that by ignoring their partner they show their power and their freedom. In reality they refuse to see the truth.
Ignoring your partner it’s like closing your eyes, and when you close your eyes anything can happen.

The truth is that nobody belongs to you and you belong to nobody. Everyone is free to stay or to go, and attitudes like, demands, jealousy, abuse or ignoring are not offering anything to the relationship, in fact the opposite, they take away whatever has being built.

Taking someone for granted means that you don’t respect them, you don’t need them, and you don’t want to offer anything to them. Actually means that this relationship has no meaning for you.

One million promises

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carrotI noticed the last days the great difference between the period after the summer holidays and the rest of the year.
At the end of August people are in good mood, full of hopes about their jobs, their relationships. They are ready to open up and expand their lives.
I also noticed that people get up early and go to their job in time, or even earlier.
Another thing that happens now, right after the summer, is that people give lots of promises. Promises about new projects, about giving money, about moving a relationship into a new level, about being in good mood this year, and many more. And they are ready to keep them.
As the winter comes there is a chain reaction of broken promises. The first people who start feeling tired break their promises and slowly one after the other people get disappointed, unreliable and at the end they disappoint everyone around them.
The whole chain ends next summer where new hopes will come and new promises will be given… and broken.

Do you feel threatened?

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desperationThis is especially for sensitives.
Do you think that everyone around you is a potential threat? Do you observe that they never offer you what you want or need in your life? Do you allow your thoughts and emotions to be dominated by the fear, the negativity, and ultimately the hate against people who never take care of you and they just want to abuse you?

Well let’s reverse the question. What are you offering?
What are the excellence and the greatness that you offer to the world, that you offer to the people around you (when you don’t defend yourself from what’s threatening you)?

Dear sensitive, the fear that you feel and the anger about the people who don’t respect you or who are against you, keeps you busy from fulfilling your life dreams and purpose.
Sensitive people have so much to offer.

Getting ready for school

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flower girlOnce upon a time there was a little girl
One day her parents realized that she started behaving strangely. She started acting like a baby, defending herself against everything and everyone, crying for no real reason, talking with baby voice, and also showing this impatience that little children show when they expect something exciting to happen.

This behavior was getting more intensive and more obvious as the days were passing so they decided to ask a psychologist.

The mother called the psychologist to arrange for a date, and he asked a few questions on the phone.
-Isn’t your girl very clever and very responsible usually?
Isn’t she generally very polite and very kind to the people?
Doesn’t she understand things easily when there is no pressure?
The mother said that all these things he asked are true, that’s why it’s difficult for them to understand her behavior.

Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 6: Trying to be Safe

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hidingTrying to be safe in a relationship makes you often keep your partner in a distance. The imaginary, or not, fear of being hurt, abused, exploited or exposed, makes you live part of your life and not the whole thing.
The question is why did you start this relationship, to be safe or to live and enjoy it? And are you ever really safe?

If you really want to have a worthy relationship, and I guess that's why you are reading this,  you need to be fully open to your partner and this way make him/her open him/herself. On the other hand if this is impossible then you have to go away.
It doesn’t worth staying in a relationship that is based on fear, not even for the sake of the children. If you force your children to be part of a dysfunctional relationship/family they will experience this as a normal way of living; this means they will repeat the same patterns in their own relationships. This way you make more people unhappy.

Who runs your business?

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driverI can hear you saying loud “But of course me!”
Maybe you will even be offended that someone asks this question.

Well it’s not sure that you are running your business, and this is very dangerous.
Who is in charge? Different programs, subconscious thoughts and beliefs, guilt, fear, selfishness, insecurity, the need to prove your value, your parents most probably, anyway the chance that you yourself are running your business is very small.

Sounds terrible? It is. Just see how many businesses close, because there is nobody there to take care of them. According to Michael Gerber (The E-Myth Revisited) 40% of the small business will close during the first year and 80% in the first five years. And after that, 80% of the surviving businesses will close down during the next five years. This means about 4% of all small businesses are still alive after 10 years; and by what means?

Controlling is weakness

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whistlerSurprise! I mean it. Many people think that controlling is power, they couldn’t be more wrong.
Power is trust, power is giving space to the talents or the strengths of the others, power is trusting that you deserve the respect of the others without terrorizing them.

One of the main cases where people try to control is parenthood. When the child is very little of course the parents have to control, because of safety and learning. But a teenager needs space to develop self-control, self-esteem and understanding of the world.

And you can see what happens when the “kids” are not kids any more, they are grownups or even old people. In many cases parents, and especially mothers, try to control everything, and mostly little details. It’s not strange to see someone who is famous, powerful, has a Nobel prize or rules the world, and his mama will find the details to make him/her feel small, clumsy, useless and careless, like a not straight tie, the way he/she eats, cooks, drives, walks, stands or talks to his/her grand grandchildren ;-)

Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 5: Wanting to be right

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statueEvery really wise person will ask this question: do you prefer to be right or happy? Well most of us prefer to be right even if unhappiness is coming from this desire. And I can understand this.
First of all this is a world built on attack and defense. Everything is based on right or wrong, there are always wars running in many parts of this planet, and everything has to do with who is right and who is not.
Then it is the idea that by defending yourself you will survive and since life is unfair you always need to fight for survival.
Yes! The experience of all the people who fight for survival, or for being right is that people constantly fight them back. So according to their experience they are right.

Walking labels

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labeledMost of us look at people and immediately stick a label on them. Beautiful, blond, fat, silly, strong, arrogant, dark… and we stick them without knowing anything about these people.

Of course I believe that the first impression is very important and if the intuition is offering the insight and the information then it is absolutely true.

But intuition doesn’t put labels. Labels are put by the ego.
Intuition does not judge, just gives information. Ego judges, trying to make others feel bad, in order to make us feel good (!!!).

Many think that they are smart by putting labels; there is a whole way of thinking where you are cool by just judging everybody around.
Well that’s not cool.

Things they don't teach you in school

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school1Bill Gates made a list of 11 things they don’t teach in school. I agree with a few of them, not for the reasons he mentioned though. These are with Bill's numbering:

1 Life is not fair…get used to it.
Well, it's not! Waiting for justice in order to become happy you will just see life slipping through your hands.

10 Television is NOT real life.
Not only because in real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to work, as Bill says, but also because television is business and people get paid to play or say certain things. Most of them are lies, you don’t have to believe them.

11 Be nice to nerds. Bill gives as reason that “chances are you’ll end up working for one” but my explanation is that nerds have some way of thinking that is much different than macho or ego driven pupils (or not pupils). All the “smart” people in school or out of it think that nerds are serving the system, but the ones who serve and reproduce the system are the ones who play with the rules, let's say with the rules of the bullies, in order to survive or to be loved and accepted, by other bullies in this case. Many nerds are sensitives (hsp) who still explore life and they are more open minded that you can imagine.

Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 4: Great Expectations

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superkissAs I said when I was talking about roadblock 3, sacrifice, the meaning of a relationship is “I accept you exactly as you are” and not “I want you to change”. This is why expecting something from the person you connect with, almost always leads to disappointment and pain.
To my opinion expectation is a highly conservative attitude. You expect someone to be a certain way when you cannot stand anything different from what you are or what you have experienced in your life. You are not open to explore life and anything new.
Just observe almost everything living on earth. Every creature, every species tries to be complete by “meeting” the opposite or supplementary. Can you see that trying to change someone in order to feel safe is against this natural way?

But I’m not asking you to control your behavior. I will never ask you this!

Great expectations are there because of insecurity, and it is a desire to control your world. In reality it is the belief that you don’t deserve to have good things in your life, so you try to control everything in order to get them. Of course you couldn’t trust that your friends or your lover are on your side.

The Traps of a Sensitive Person in Business

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samson2The biggest traps in business if you are highly sensitive (hsp) are the programs that run in the back of your head. Sensitive people develop these programs because they tend to believe everything when they are children, and they are very vulnerable to judgment and abuse.
On the other hand the greatest gifts of a sensitive person in business are, inspiration, intuition, love for adventure, exploring and creating new business opportunities.
As you can see there are many more gifts than traps, so why the failure is so possible to happen?
These little programs can cause one of the worse enemies to a sensitive business person, and this is low self-esteem.

Highly sensitive or highly avoiding life?

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head in sandThere are two ways to deal with your sensitivity. The one is to see it as a gift, to develop it and learn how to use it for living; the other is to use it as an excuse for hiding.

I see many people legalizing procrastination using sensitivity as an excuse.
To make things clear, my job is to help people who want to move forward.
I’m not working on your “problems”, that means I coach you WHILE YOU ARE LIVING and not by stopping life to talk about it.
I’m not going to legalize your whining I will support you to drop it.
I’m not going to accept that you are a victim, even if you have all the proofs in the world that you are.
I’m not going to help you feel good about your suffering. No way! 

Being Highly Sensitive and being "Special"

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superboyIn 1996 Elaine Aron created the term “Highly Sensitive Person” or HSP to describe and study a great part of the population (and also of higher animals) that has a different way to deal with stimuli, information, thoughts and emotions. This term is neither metaphysical nor spiritual, is very practical and very scientific and has to do with psychology.
Of course for many people this was a connection to spiritual terms, like “light worker”, “indigo” and “crystal”, and this makes sense because all the people who are considered to be able to understand and receive delicate vibrations can only be highly sensitive. If you agree or not with those terms is another story, it’s rather your relationship with spirituality.
The only thing I disagree is the characterization of some people as “special” because being special is being limited. Someone who is special must always take care of the image and the concept which represents, and for someone who has already a lot of information coming through this fine tuned body and mind it’s a heavy weight.