How often do you hear someone asking you a question and immediately you feel uncomfortably? Especially if it has to do with your actions and your life, a question can really hit you like a hammer on the head.
For many people this is a sign that the question is right, touched the right spot etc.
Not for me though!
If you did something and you're not sure if it was right or wrong and someone asks you "why did you do this?" how do you feel? Do you get a kick? Do you feel accused, even though this was not the intention?
Actually when someone asks me "why did you do this?" I always feel there is an accusation there.
One of the most wonderful and powerful books I have read is "Breaking the Rules" by Kurt Wright. In this book he is describing the right question, why it is powerful and useful and will always help you move on.
What is the use of the right question?
The right question will help you move forward, create, feel good, motivate you and give you solutions in the most difficult moments.
The right question will give you the tools for creating effortlessly, whatever you were doing with a lot of struggle will become easy and simple.
The right question will de-activate the analytical and repairing way of thinking and activate the intuitive and creative part. Will take you away from being busy with trying to correct mistakes, something you can keep you busy for all your life, and take you exactly where you can create the solution you want, the attitude you need and the life you always wanted, if you did, by just shifting your point of view.
What makes the right question right?
The usual mind process is based on a tradition of thousands of years, judging things as right or wrong, bad or good, positive or negative. So if you are thinking, let's say, "I'm not good enough" putting yourself to a negative part of the scale. Maybe you are better than yesterday, but this is not enough, you are still "not good enough". But if you ask the right question, your position on the scale is high, with positive value, because there is not really negative value there.
What does the old way of thinking create?
Actually the most powerful problem, resistance to change.
The old way, the comparison, having a model and putting yourself on the right or left of it, can only create suffering and resistance. Looking how the modeling works, many women try to be beautiful like the top models, and this way they don't see their own value or beauty. Especially now that the photoshop sends the top models more to the top the competition has become impossible. Unhappiness, frustration, low self esteem and self confidence make people sick and frozen.
So what is this right question?
As we see the wrong question is based on "why?". It is judging everything and makes everything bad and small since there is always something bigger and better. But if you replace this why with "how?" or "what?" then you have a brand new way of asking.
For example, if you turn the question "why is it wrong?" with the "how can I make it right?" immediately you ask for instruction and information. You didn't make it wrong or bad, you just want to make it better.
Also if you replace the "why is this wrong?" with "what is right with it?" then immediately you have motivation to find out what is not right yet and make it right.
In reality the "why" question creates a scale with negative value, and negative values don't really exist in nature. To understand what I say, when we talk about negative temperature, we say that it is -10, we talk on the Celsius or Fahrenheit scale and both are relative to a certain temperature points and completely made up. But if you think of absolute temperature, the Kelvin scale starts from zero and goes up. Zero is where there is no atom movement and then it adds.
So the negative comparisons are wrong and create only problems.
How can I use the right question in my life?
I will give you an example. If you program your navigator, GPS or however you call it, you need two things, where you are, something that the machine knows already, and where you want to go, an info you have to give. Nothing else. The way you usually function in everyday life is that you give useless information, like where you don't want to go, what is better and what worse place to go and if you deserve to go there. You (we) are programmed to put a lot of wrong information wherever it's not necessary. And this makes things complicated and painful.
If you use the right question, "How do I do this?" the mind, the right side of the brain, starts immediately offering solutions. Not how to repair the thing you did but how to do what you want.
Try this type of question again and again. "How do I do this?", "how do I go there?", "what do I need to make something?", "what do I have to do in order to be successful?". First of all they are just asking for information and not for comparison or guilt. Secondly they make you feel good, because even if you don't have an answer you are not in a negative value, you stay on zero, so you ask another question. No pain, no guilt, just success, from zero and up.
Where can I use the right question?
Everywhere, at any time. You can replace all the old questions with the new type and see your life changing automatically.
Of course you still have to take action, but this will be much easier if you don't push yourself down to the ground. If you always think "I'm okay and now let's go higher" you will have the energy which will not be spent to useless debates about your value. Navigator: 1) you are here (no value) - you want to go there (positive value since this is your goal). No gasoline? you stay on zero and try to find some ;-)
Most of the business today functions on the old way of thinking and asking. If you look around you, most business people and employees hate their jobs no matter how much money they give them. They don't know why but the whole business system is based on comparisons, negative and positive values and always repairing what's wrong instead of creating something right. A lot of unnecessary emotions that are not very pleasant.
Use the guides of the right question and if you need extra help contact me to help you changing your way, from where you are (zero or higher) to where you want to be (always higher).
Antonis Remoundos, life coach