Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 3: Sacrifice

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awakeSacrifice is considered to be the ultimate prove of love anyone can offer. Music, literature, movies, fairy tales, art in general, but also religion and tradition talk about the sacrifice using the most inspired words.
But is it like this in reality?
My experience is completely different. Sacrifice is a tool for bonding people, for making someone belong to you.
See all the parents what did they sacrifice for their children and what do they want from them afterwards.
Remember also the phrase “I gave you the best years of my life” and think what does this person want in return.
Sacrifice creates guilt. “I gave you so many,” means, “you gave me much less or nothing”. “I want nothing in return,” means, “I want you to feel guilty” or “you are worthless”.
The most important, all these clichés mean “I am better than you” or “you don’t deserve my kindness”.

Sensitivity and feeling Worthless

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sadThere are many reasons for a sensitive person (hsp) to feel worthless, sometimes even that there is no reason or no right to exist. Most of these reasons have their roots in childhood.
I wrote many articles about the programming of the mind during childhood, and the results of it, all the phrases, judgments, rejections and accusations that create the conditions for low performance, fear of life, worthlessness or depression, especially to sensitive people.
The fact is that all these problems, no matter how deep they seem to be and how many difficulties they create, are reversible. All these troubles are undoable.

Identification with your gifts

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model2Many people fall into the trap to take all the gifts of life as granted, and when they start losing them they lose the ground under their feet.

Beauty, wealth, health, luck, power, sensitivity, all these are just gifts that may come or may not.
They don't make you better person, and if you are missing them you are not a worse person.
If you think that these gifts will last forever you may base your happiness and high self-esteem more on the existence of these gifts and less on your right to be just the way they are.
The arrogance that comes from having these gifts appears because you think that they will last forever and also that by having them you are better persons. The result is that you hurt people around you by showing superiority to the others and by becoming snob or even hostile.

Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 2: Suppressing emotions

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closup-coupleSuppressing emotions gives the exact opposite results from the desired ones. The reason for suppressing is because either you want you emotions to leave you in peace at this moment or because you don’t want, or cannot deal with them in general.

Most people have the feeling that by suppressing they get rid of the emotions. Making noise they push the fear away, being busy they avoid sadness, by moving all around they make anger disappear.
But whatever you suppress will return sooner or later.

Suppressing emotions that come from or in a relationship is like telling lies. Is like hiding always the truth.

"Your daughter is not sick, she is a dancer!"

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balarinaThere are lots of stories about famous or not so famous people with ADD and ADHD. Since these “disorders” are being mentioned a lot lately I think it's important to see as many aspects as possible.
My experience is that all people with learning difficulties are highly sensitive. If they were not having this fine tuned nervous system they wouldn't face difficulties. They would just live “normally” without even thinking that something is wrong.
And there is nothing wrong, indeed. It's just that some people are different. There is no disorder, ADD and ADHD are not sicknesses, just labels.

To see the real meaning let's see some famous stories.

Thomas Edison, maybe the most well known case, and the most fortunate.
He spent 12 weeks in a crowded, noisy classroom with a very impatient teacher. He was asking all kind of strange questions driving the teacher crazy. He was not able to focus on one thing, he was characterized as “addled” and had to leave school.
He was very fortunate because his mother acknowledged that he was different and she gave him the right to be.
He studied at home with his mother's help and focused only on the things he wanted to. No disorder there.

What is your today’s reason for avoiding life?

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rusty windowIs it still the finances?
Are you too busy? If yes with what?
Do you have to take care of someone who needs you?
Are you afraid?

I think that’s it. You are afraid of being exposed to judgment.
You know very well that everyone who comes out to live is exposed to judgment. If you are alive and in motion you are a target.
Do you prefer to keep hiding pretending to be dead in order to be safe? Is this a way to be safe?
Do you know who is judging? All these people who are afraid to live their lives, and stay aside looking at you with envy. Hating you for your being active.

Roadblocks to successful relationship Nr 1: Playing Roles

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charming small

For many people playing roles is a natural way of living. In a world where everyone wants you to be someone else, you constantly transform yourself to whatever the others want to see, like a chameleon. And of course this temporarily raises your self-esteem. And I say temporarily because high self-esteem based on external conditions is not real, it’s not stable.
This is exactly the problem of the playing roles attitude; it is the result of low self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself you don’t need to play a role, you don’t have to show that you are someone else.
And since we talk about relationships. Playing roles is the worse thing you can do in there.
Relationship is an interaction between YOU and someone else, either this is a friend, a relative, a business partner or a lover. So if YOU are not there and you have a mask on your face in order to impress or just to feel accepted, then it is not your relationship and it is not going to last for long.

Clumsy truth

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crowdThere are people who tell the truth but they don’t have the speaking abilities of a professional speaker, a politician or a lawyer.
We don’t pay much attention to them and if we do we take care more of their abilities, or rather disabilities, to speak than the content of their message.

It’s more likely that these people will tell the truth, and the reason is that they don’t try to promote their style; they don’t make an effort to advertise their value they just offer it.

Most of them are highly sensitive people who feel the urge to share with the world their insights and wisdom. And in the way of thinking of many sensitives, sharing does not need style. Often they feel lonely, ignored and sorry for the world because they are sure about the value of their message, but very few listen to them.

The Roadblocks to successful relationships

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holding handsMany people wonder why they don’t manage to be in a successful and happy relationship – marriage. They try again and again but the results are more or less the same.

On the other hand they see friends being much happier, much more relaxed and, the most important, very much accepted, respected and loved by their partners without any effort.
 
There are many traps that lead to the same old patterns and same old results. They are hidden well in the unconscious way of living and thinking. I am talking about the automatic reactions of a programmed mind and we all have programs running in our mind.
 
These roadblocks are common attitudes, that stop you on your way to a happy, fulfilling and meaningful relationship.
Some of these roadblocks are not just sabotaging a romantic relationship but also making life difficult in general.

Freedom requires courage and virtue!

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eagle1Facing yourself is probably the most difficult part of gaining freedom. To say it in simple words, not everyone is ready to be free.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that not everyone deserves to be free, the opposite. Not only do we all deserve to be free but it’s also our obligation (metaphorically) because by setting yourself free you can pass on the message to next generations, by becoming the example, the role model.

What I want to say is that getting out of prison or getting rid of a tyrant does not mean automatically freedom. Inner slavery is more powerful and more painful. At the same time just like the external, inner slavery includes a comfort, in the form of addiction to pain and fear.

Exploring the miracles

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miracleMiracles have no level of difficulty and they are all the same. The level that we experience now comes from the mind and our belief system.

What is miracle?

Miracle is the freedom to form what we call reality, the freedom to change, adjust or play with it. It’s the quantum reality.

Material reality is just a bunch of potentialities and not a solid construction, as it seems to be. The reason that it seems to be hard and solid is because we all have in mind this form of things in a tradition of thousands of years. If each one of us manages to release this strict form of things in his/her mind, things would immediately be different.

You can come out now, nobody burns witches anymore!

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which witchThe witch hunting is officially over and most people know that. Of course there are still some, who try to “clean up” the world from whatever is different, or, should I say, from what they don’t understand or like, but I think that these people are getting less and less dangerous.

 

The past decades witch hunting was quite common. Everyone who was thinking differently, everyone who had different ideas about the world, family, religion, the way of thinking and expressing, had to be burned. Metaphorically or literally; often both ways.

Letting go does not mean giving up

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Many self-growth techniques, and especially the Sedona Method, ask clients to let go of wanting to achieve goals or wanting to succeed. Of course if you are not familiar with self-growth this request can give you great confusion.

Letting go and giving up are two completely different things.

Giving up means that you really want something and you kill this desire. The usual reason for this is disappointment or negativity. If you have a dream and everyone around you tells you that it is either silly or impossible, even if you don’t believe them, your subconscious mind will sabotage your dream, if you don’t give it up completely.

Goals

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Some professionals promise great changes in your life and after failure they blame you because you didn’t follow the instructions properly.

Maybe they are right but this is only part of the truth.

If they promise the easy solution, the one that you don’t have to move your finger and everything will change miraculously, well they just lie.

If you are in trouble you will keep being busy taking care of your trouble. Haven't you seen people in depression being tired all day although often they seem to do nothing at all? They just get exhausted with the activity of the mind.

You don’t need to try hard in order to be Grateful

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I often see people trying hard and using techniques, because they heard someone saying that they need to be grateful. Most probably they didn’t hear the whole message, just the gratitude part.

The reason most people are not grateful is because they are afraid of life. And this is not happening only if life is difficult, there are people who have everything in life, but they act as if they need to struggle. This is an inner pattern.

3 simple tools to make yourself happier

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For many people life is a burden, a big effort, every day and every moment they have to prove their value, well not just their value, rather their right to exist.

It is not so much the experience and the knowledge from living that lead them to this situation. It’s rather an unconscious way of acting that comes from what they have been told during childhood.

Living a complete life when you are sensitive

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One day on the way back from visiting some friends out of town, I turned on my favorite radio station. Like every Sunday it was playing a play list; nobody was talking.

After a while I noticed that although I was listening to music I really love and that usually stirs up emotions, this time I felt nothing. It was ok but nothing more. I was wondering why did I lose the connection with these songs, why did I feel like what I heard was not special. I also noticed that driving made me tired, I was not enjoying it. I had to make an effort, which was really strange because usually driving is a great joy for me and never makes me tired.

An incredible story about forgiveness

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In 1984 a young woman called Jennifer Thomson was brutally raped in her apartment. But she was calm enough to observe her rapist and recognize him later. Or so she thought.

During the recognition process she saw someone's picture that looked just like the rapist. Afterwards she saw him on the line between other men. She was absolutely sure.

Ronald Cotton was sentenced to life in prison. After 3 years he met accidentally someone in prison who looked just like him and he was there for sexual assault. He asked his lawyer to repeat the trial, but Jennifer Thomson was absolutely sure about her first choice.

3 ways we deal with Important, Urgent, and Comfortable

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What makes people to be effective or ineffective is the way they manage time, resources, and energy according to their importance. Most of the people divide them into Urgent and Important. I think that a lot of time flies away on Comfortable activities.

Let's first talk about the ones we are used to discuss. The important activities are the ones that directly or indirectly have an outcome for you and your business, a goal achievement, a strategic plan, even a few days of rest to gain new energy.

The urgent activities are the ones that need immediate attention. To pay a bill, to help someone in your family who has health problems, to put some order in your computer, your desk, your office. The trouble with all those urgent activities is that when the day is gone you don't feel that something really useful has happened. On the other hand if you take a few minutes to write an inspired article, a whole day or a few days to work on a business plan, a strategy, making your website more effective or on rebuilding your relationship with your life partner, you might feel that there are still so many urgent things to be taken care of.

The Barometer Problem (or, breaking the rules)

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Sir Ernest Rutherford, President of the Royal Academy, and recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physics, related the following story.
Some time ago I received a call from a colleague. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed a perfect score. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.

For Passion or for Money?

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Srully Blotnick, Ph.D., made a survey to find out what hapened to people who decided to 'go for the money'.

Srully studied the career choices and financial success of 1500 people, who were divided into 2 groups,

Group A (83 percent of the people in the study) chose a career because they believed they could earn a lot of money doing it, Group B (17 percent of the study group) chose a career because of their passion and desire for that work.

Who do you think made more money?